Happy 34th Birthday, Tiger Woods!

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What do you get the man who had everything?

Jose Canseco's Shirt Clings for Its Life

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Self-admitted steroid-aholic Jose Canseco is 6'4" and 240 lbs -- yet it appears he still buys his shirts from the kid's section.

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Mayweather Jr. Verbally Abuses Sparring Partner

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The only thing more entertaining than watching Floyd Mayweather Jr. unleash a devastating barrage of punches on a heavier sparring partner ... is watching him do it while calling the bigger guy a "bitch."

TMZ has obtained footage of Floyd training in a Las Vegas gym earlier this month, where he let his hands ... and his mouth ... do the talking.

Floyd's sparring partner never backs down from the fight -- and even tosses around a few expletives of his own after Floyd taunts him.

Mayweather is kinda/sorta set to fight Manny Pacquiao sometime in March ... maybe.

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Poker Phenom Flushes His Marriage

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Phil Ivey -- one of the most dominant professional poker players in the world -- isn't suited for marriage ... dude was just granted a divorce from his wife Luciaetta.

Ivey and Luciaetta filed the joint petition in a Nevada court on December 22 ... three days before Christmas. The divorce was granted today -- both parties were present for the ruling.

Phil -- who's reportedly made more than $12 million playing poker -- married Luciaetta back in 2002. The couple has no children together.

Fun Fact: Ivey is known in the card community as the "Tiger Woods of Poker" -- [insert your own joke here].

Tobey vs. Leo Who'd You Rather?

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Tobey Maguire, 34, and Leonardo DiCaprio, 35, showed their Laker pride while watching a game in L.A.

The question is ...

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Tim Robbins Support Group on Ice

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Tim Robbins isn't letting news of his split with Susan Sarandon get him down. Dude chilled with his son at Madison Square Garden last night to watch the N.Y. Rangers beat down the Florida Panthers.

MLB Pitcher Sues His Catcher

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Former Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Chan Ho Park is suing the man who caught his balls -- claiming his former catcher stiffed him on a $460,000 loan.

Park -- who's currently playing for the Philadelphia Phillies -- claims he loaned the cash to former Dodgers catcher Chad Kreuter back in 2005.

In the lawsuit, filed today in L.A. County Superior Court, Park says he made the loan because Kreuter "had been a highly compensated Major League Baseball player" and he assured Park that he "would have no difficulty paying [Park] back."

According to the suit, Kreuter signed a promissory note for the debt, but only made one payment for $290,000.

Now Park wants the remaining $170,000 plus interest and fees for the loan -- totaling $226,358.76.

That's hardball.

Joe Torre -- Back on Broadway

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Los Angeles Dodgers manager Joe Torre was back in the Big Apple to catch a Broadway musical last night ... no, it wasn't Damn Yankees.

The former Yankees skipper caught a performance of Bye Bye Birdie -- and afterward dude even talked to fans ... yes, he still has fans in NY.

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Mr. World Fitness Sues Over Cereal Tooth Killer

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He's a six-time Mr. World Fitness champion, a jacked-up physical specimen -- but Franco Carlotto claims he wasn't strong enough to take down a bowl of cereal ... that literally broke his face.

It's all part of the greatest lawsuit ever -- Franco is suing Whole Foods, claiming a "defective" brand of "Whole Foods Market Organic Everyday Value Organic High Fiber Cereal" broke his teeth when he chomped down on a "portion of the cereal that had solidified to a hardened mass."

In his suit, filed in L.A. County Superior Court, Franco claims he's furious because Whole Foods gave no warning of the "particular risk of hardening of the cereal" or "solidification of the cereal." Weird, considering most cereals get soggy in milk ... right?!?

Carlotto claims he sought medical treatment for the injury -- he's suing for an unspecified amount.

No word on what kind of milk -- if any -- Carlotto used in his cereal.

Hammered Hockey Star Takes a Shot at Billy Joel

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Elisha Cuthbert's hockey star boyfriend -- Calgary Flames' Dion Phaneuf -- got wasted at a piano bar in Vegas, went to the stage and did what any other red-blooded man would do in his situation: He tried to sing "Piano Man" by Billy Joel ... and it was awesome.

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Tiger Woods' Wife: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

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Tiger Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, is conflicted over what to do with her marriage, sources tell TMZ.

We're told Elin is not going to file for divorce immediately, but there are two issues she just can't get past -- that Tiger allegedly had a 3-year relationship with one of the women, and another alleged affair occurred while Elin was pregnant.

We know Elin has confided in friends that she could have fairly easily forgiven Tiger had it been only one woman. But the sheer number, along with a long-term relationship and the pregnancy fling, has Elin doubting whether she can ever trust Tiger Woods again. Trust is her issue.

Clearly not a shock, but that's what is in her head. But still ... Elin hasn't pulled the trigger -- yet.

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Bengals Controlled Chris Henry's Cash Flow

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It appears Chris Henry didn't trust himself with his own money -- TMZ has learned before his death, the football star gave the Cincinnati Bengals organization serious control over his often unstable personal finances.

During his last meeting with a wedding planning company, Henry's fiancee, Loleini Tonga, handed over two checks -- one for $500 and one for $1,305.02. But neither check came from Henry's own bank account -- the funds came from the Bengals organization and were signed by two team honchos.

When asked about the situation, team officials told us, "The wedding funds that were distributed were Chris' funds, from money that he had requested to have us oversee."

Henry was no stranger to money problems -- last year, his car was repossessed and his attorney famously declared him "broke." But when the Bengals re-signed Henry in 2008 -- it appears they were determined to resurrect him both on and off the field.

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Tiger Woods' Mom Goes Loco

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Kultida Woods, mother of Tiger Woods, took time out from trying to avoid stories about her son yesterday to hit up a local El Pollo Loco.

Clearly Tiger's mom also enjoys side dishes.

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Elin Nordegren -- I Dream of Genie

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We've solved the mystery over the utility trucks that showed up at Tiger Wood's house earlier this week. Seems Elin Nordegren was fixin' some damaged garage door panels. Any theories?

Remember, Tiger pulled out of the driveway a few weeks back before ricocheting into a bush, a fire hydrant and a tree.

And as long as we're talking ... we found out why that truck showed up at the house: They were there to install kitchen appliances

Let's hope Tiger Woods kept the receipts.

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Tweet Revenge -- Dwight Howard Sues Ex Again

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Dwight Howard is accusing his baby mama of endangering the security of their 2-year-old child -- and her alleged weapon of choice ... Twitter.

Howard just filed another lawsuit against his ex -- Royce Lyndsay Reed -- claiming she broke a court order by posting photos of their kid on Twitter.

According to documents filed by Howard earlier this month in Florida, Reed was ordered by a judge in 2008 to refrain from posting images of their son Braylon on "blogs, websites, etc."

The reason behind the 2008 court order -- the Orlando Magic star believes throwing the kid's pics on the web poses "a significant security threat to the child because [Dwight] is a highly-paid public personality."

In the docs, Howard is suing Reed for $142,500 -- which is $500 for each of her 285 Twitter followers -- plus attorney's fees.

As we first reported, Dwight filed a $9.2 million lawsuit against Reed earlier this month, because she allegedly bashed him on a gossip website.

Once again, that was something a judge told her not to do.

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Michael Strahan -- Chris Henry's Death 'Tragic'

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Although retired NFL star Michael Strahan described Chris Henry's death as a "sad" situation yesterday at LAX, he was glad to hear the NFL planned on honoring him at this weekend's games.

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