USA Soccer Team Biden Their Time

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With the World Cup just a few weeks away, the USA soccer team got a private pep talk from Vice President Joe Biden inside the White House this morning.

In case you're unfamiliar with the World Cup -- it's a big f*ckin' deal.

Tom & Gisele Dodge Bullet-Ridden Lawsuit

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Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen just scored a serious victory in New York -- a judge has thrown out a lawsuit filed against the couple accusing their bodyguards of shooting at some photographers last year.

As you may recall, the alleged incident went down in Costa Rica during Tom and Gisele's wedding -- two photogs (both from Costa Rica) claim the security guards threatened them and then opened fire. The photogs wanted more than $1 million in damages.

But today, a judge decided that the NY court, "does not have personal jurisdiction over either of the defendants." The judge added, "Costa Rica is a substantially more convenient forum for the parties' disputes than New York."

No word if the photogs plan on taking the judge's advice and re-filing in their home country.

Cristiano Ronaldo -- Wet Bikini Contest

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With the World Cup just over two weeks away, futbol stud Cristiano Ronaldo enjoyed some downtime by working on his trademark tan and showering his bikini babe du jour with, er, affection while on a yacht in the Mediterranean on Tuesday.

The ripped 25-year-old excels at water sports too.

NY Jets QB & Lance Bass Double Team Bon Jovi

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Apparently, NY Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez has an off-season regimen that includes Bon Jovi songs and late nights with Lance Bass.

Bass and Sanchez hooked up for a karaoke duet at the Canal Room in NYC this past weekend.

The two busted out a version of "Livin' on a Prayer" -- and we're told it was actually pretty good.

"We got each other and that's a lot ... for love."

UFC's Pitbull Alves Doctor Says I'm Clear to Fight

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UFC hurt-machine Thiago "Pitbull" Alves underwent some intense medical tests yesterday -- and they went so well, he got the green light from his doctor to get back in the Octagon ... just 2 months after brain surgery.

Sources close to Alves tell TMZ Pitbull had an angiogram yesterday morning -- a post-operation procedure that took several hours -- but the results were good.

We're told Alves' doctor is currently sending a letter to the New Jersey Boxing Commission declaring him physically fit to fight. Alves has told us in the past that he wants to get back in the ring ASAP.

The whole thing is truly amazing, considering Alves went under the knife in March, so doctors could perform a procedure that would prevent bleeding in his brain.

Terrell Owens and Jay Cutler The Stare Down

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Now we're not implying anything, but judging by the look on Jay Cutler's face -- do you think the Chicago Bears quarterback even remembers running into Terrell Owens this weekend?

The two partied it up at Underground nightclub in Chicago on Saturday night -- where the unemployed NFL superstar tried to make an impression on Cutler and his teammate Greg Olsen (not pictured).

T.O. twittered that the Chicago stars were "cool guys" -- so far, no word if the feeling is mutual.

Dwyane Wade's Wife's 9th Lawyer: I Quit Too

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NBA Superstar Dwyane Wade's estranged wife Siohvaughn was just dumped by her ninth divorce lawyer ... who ironically cited "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for their professional breakup.

TMZ has learned an emergency motion was filed yesterday in Cook County, IL by Siohvaughn's attorney, Marsha Fisher -- requesting she be withdrawn as Siohvaughn's representation in her ongoing divorce battle with the Miami Heat star.

That means Marsha is the NINTH lawyer Siohvaughn has parted ways with in the case.

And just for fun, here's the list of her former attorneys in chronological order (you're welcome): Dorene Marcus, Burton Hochberg, Michael Berger, David Stein, John Rokacz, Rosaire Nottage, Andrew Leinoff, and Michael Bruck.

All except one withdrew from representing her, one was only used for an appeal which was subsequently denied.

No word on if Matlock will be available when the trial resumes in June.

Venus Williams -- Laced at the French Open

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Along with a tennis match, fans at the French Open this weekend got an inadvertent Victoria's Secret fashion show in the form of Venus Williams' black, sheer, lingerie-like, lacy corset outfit.

The 29-year-old likes to get intimate on the court.

Kobe Bryant -- Six-Figure Silent Treatment

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The terms of Kobe Bryant's settlement with his former maid were confidential -- Wait a second, did we just say were? As in they aren't anymore? You bet we did! -- and it turns out Kobe had to fork over quite a hefty chunk of change in the deal.

As we first reported, Kobe and his wife Vanessa's former maid sued the couple for wrongful discharge, invasion of privacy, emotional distress and unpaid wages. (The lawsuit was crazy It involved dog poop. Read it here.)

We've now gotten a look at the confidential settlement documents which state ... Kobe and Vanessa forked over $200,000 to the maid -- the maid agreed to drop her lawsuit and the Bryants agreed to drop their countersuit.

According to the docs, the maid is still prohibited from talking badly about the Bryants (think Conan and NBC) and only took home roughly $130K after attorney's fees.

Jose Lima Found Dead

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Former MLB pitcher Jose Lima was found dead at home this morning of an apparent heart attack. He was 37.

His wife, Dorca Astacio, told ESPNdeportes.com, "Jose was complaining while sleeping and I just thought he was having a nightmare ... I called the paramedics, but they couldn't help him."

A rep for the L.A. County Coroner tells TMZ the death is now under investigation, but that there are no signs of foul play.

Lima played 13 seasons for five different teams, the highlight being his 21 win season for the Houston Astros back in 1999.

LT -- Consequences of the Masturbation Defense

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If Lawrence Taylor manages to convince a jury that he merely self-pleasured himself in front of a 16-year-old girl -- he could still wind up as a registered sex offender.

Here's the rub -- aside from the statutory rape charge, LT is accused of patronizing an underage prostitute.

If the jury buys LT's expected argument -- that he masturbated in front of the girl but did not have sex with her -- he would qualify as a sex offender ... and could be forced to register as one.

LT's defense team is clearly aware of the situation -- and sources close to the case tell us his lawyers will do "everything possible to keep LT off the sex offender registry."

'B-Ball Wives' Star: Someone Stole My Topless Pics!

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One of the stars of the VH1 show "Basketball Wives" claims she's the victim of a nude-photo-stealing revenge plot -- and she suspects the perp is a woman who's bitter she wasn't picked for the show.

TMZ has obtained a lawsuit filed by Evelyn Lozada (ex-fiancée of former NBA star Antoine Walker) in which she claims Vanessa Davis (former wife of NBA star Ricky Davis) smeared her reputation all over the Internet after Davis was "not selected" to be on the reality show.

According to Lozada, Davis took to a gossip blog and called her a "high end prostitute," a "drunkard," and a "hoe ass" -- and even accused Lozada of neglecting her daughter.

But the nastiest part -- Lozada claims Davis hacked into her email and stole topless photos ... which Davis allegedly sent to TheYBF.com.

Lozada claims Davis is out to "ruin her reputation" -- and now she wants Davis to fork over at least $15,000 in damages for all the trouble Davis has allegedly caused. Attempts to reach Davis have been unsuccessful.

For her part, Davis tells TMZ, "I will counter-sue for defamation as her lawsuit has no merit and I am positive she has no evidence against me for said claims."

Dale Jarrett -- AssCar Champion

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NASCAR legend Dale Jarrett took a pit stop in Vegas this week, where he proved one very important point -- hot chicks dig speed.

Our friends at SpyOnVegas.com shot a pic of the racing legend posed up with a fan.

Eat your heart out, Ricky Bobby.

Ex-NHL Star Accused of Sex Crime Against Daughter

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A former L.A. Kings hockey player-turned-assistant coach was arrested this morning in Washington D.C. for allegedly sexually abusing a 21-year-old woman -- his own daughter.

TMZ has learned 51-year-old Mark Hardy is in police custody after his daughter told cops that Mark "put his hand down [her] shorts and touched her genital area without her permission."

Hardy was arrested at the legendary Mayflower Hotel in D.C. -- where the alleged incident was said to have occurred early this morning. He's set to face a judge later today on the charge of misdemeanor sexual abuse.

UPDATE: TMZ has just received a statement from L.A. Kings saying simply, "We are aware of the charge. Due to the legal nature of this matter, we will not have any additional comments at this time."

UFC Fighter to Cop: I Need Your Protection!

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Pro MMA fighter Josh Koscheck is so powerful -- dude can take a helmet right from a bike cop ... and get away with it!

Last night, the UFC badass hit the L.A. bar scene -- hard -- and on his way out, dude startin' jokin' around with some cops outside one of the watering holes. Josh thought it would be funny to "borrow" one of their helmets ... but they weren't laughing.

Afterwards, Josh started trash-talking his next opponent Georges St-Pierre -- predicting he will "knock his ass out!"

Lance Armstrong in Stitches after Bike Crash

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Lance Armstrong ate some serious pavement today during the AMGEN Tour of California -- suffering a nasty cut under his left eye that required eight stitches.

Luckily for Armstrong, he didn't suffer any major injuries -- but he still had to bow out of the competition due to the cut and a banged up elbow.