Ochocinco -- I Did NOT Impregnate My Twitter Fan

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Chad Ochocinco loves messing with his Twitter fans ... but the NFL superstar claims he NEVER messed around with a woman who told a Philly radio station she's pregnant with his baby.

The woman -- who called herself Paige -- went on the air Tuesday claiming she and Chad had a secret affair and she is now 3 months pregnant with his kid.

But sources close to Chad -- who's engaged to "Basketball Wives" star Evelyn Lozada -- tell us Ochocinco is adamant the woman is merely giving birth to a BS rumor ... because the two have never, ever met in person.

We're told Ocho exchanged some Twitter messages with the woman more than a year ago ... but insists nothing ever came from it.

When we called Ocho to ask about the story -- he simply told us, "Child, please."

O.J. Laughs Off False Prison Beatdown Report

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Not only is it completely untrue that O.J. Simpson got his ass handed to him in a bloody prison fight recently -- we're told it's SO untrue that when the Juice finally got wind of it ... he couldn't stop laughing.

Sources at Lovelock Correctional Center in Nevada tell TMZ, reports of Simpson being beaten to a "bloody pulp" during a prison yard fight were so ridiculous, guards pulled O.J. from his cell ... just to tell him about the crazy rumors.

Simpson found the mass confusion incredibly entertaining -- in fact, we're told he "laughed his ass off" at reports of the racially-motivated prison attack.

For the record -- an official rep for the prison tells us, there have been "no incidents regarding O.J. in any shape or form." Finally, a clean slate.

Ronaldo to SI Covergirl: YOU Are the Lucky One

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Soccer stud Cristiano Ronaldo has a strange custom -- keeping smoking hot SI Swimsuit Issue covergirl Irina Shayk 10 feet behind him. Closer than we'll ever get, but dude ... really?

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HERO Who Stopped Knife Maniac Gets UFC Praise

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The HERO who stopped a knife-wielding maniac in NYC this weekend got a surprise visit from UFC president Dana White yesterday ... after Dana learned Joseph Lozito used an MMA move to take down the bad guy.

It's an unbelievable story -- Lozito was brutally attacked and stabbed in a NYC subway train on Saturday by Maksim Gelman -- who had been targeted in a massive manhunt after allegedly murdering four people and injuring five during a 28-hour stabbing spree.

But after being stabbed in his head and his arm --Lozito managed to drop Maksim with a single leg takedown ... a move he learned from 20 years of watching the UFC.

Cops swooped in moments later and took Maksim into custody.

Lozito doesn't believe he's a hero. We beg to differ.

Derek Jeter Silenced by Minka Kelly

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If Derek Jeter is captain of the New York Yankees ... his girlfriend Minka Kelly must be the major -- 'cause she cracked the whip pretty hard when DJ started yapping with our camera guy.

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Harlem Globetrotters Trick Out Justin Bieber

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He's 5'5" ... 110 pounds ... and white -- but Justin Bieber proved he's got what it takes to hang with the Harlem Globetrotters ... including a mastery of that whole ball-spin-on-the-finger trick!

Bieber was kickin' it with the Globetrotters backstage at "Lopez Tonight" last week ... when the professional ballers broke out some of their best moves -- and Bieber managed to keep up.

JB's set to appear on "Lopez" tomorrow night -- wonder if Justin's parents will let him stay up late enough to watch??

Tiger Woods I'm Sorry for Being a SPITTER

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Tiger Woods has finally issued an apology for launching a big, fat loogie on the green at a major golf tournament this weekend ... admitting the saliva bomb was "inconsiderate."

It all went down at the Dubai Desert Classic -- and after the incident, golf officials announced Woods would be fined for breaching the tour code of conduct.

So far, no word on how much cash Tiger will have to cough up for the spit shot.

Bill Murray Dominates PGA Tournament

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Bill Murray WON the pro-am PGA Tournament at Pebble Beach this weekend -- so he's got that going for him ... which is nice.

The 60-year-old "Caddyshack" star was teamed up with pro golf star D.A. Points -- and together, they rallied to a come-from-behind victory in the last round.

After winning the tourney, Murray told reporters, "I didn't know what to do with myself. Holy cow, I think I can die now."

It's a Cinderella story.

Cameron Diaz CRUSHES A-Rod's Tire Workout

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Dating A-Rod is doing wonders for Cameron Diaz's super buff shoulders and biceps.

The health conscious lovers worked on their fitness together in Miami Beach this weekend.

They're so tired.

Coco Crisp: Sheen Didn't Go Yard, But He Came Close!

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Oakland A's outfielder Coco Crisp was with Charlie Sheen during his trip to UCLA baseball practice last week -- and while he gives Sheen props for almost going yard, he did give him a hard time for using an aluminum bat.

One step at a time, Coco. One step at a time.

Jew or Not a Jew: NFL Edition

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Last night on the streets of Hollywood, our trusty photog learned NFL guru Jay Glazer was Jewish -- which means we just had to play ... JEW OR NOT A JEW: NFL EDITION.

Eli Roth might have a little competition on his hands.

A-Rod and Cameron -- Taking Things in Stride

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Alex Rodriguez took off running when photogs spotted him and girlfriend Cameron Diaz house hunting in Miami, FL yesterday.

Maybe A-Rod was just getting a jog in before Spring Training.

Charlie Sheen Has a Mitt Fit

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Charlie Sheen is distraught and needs help ... and he knows it. Charlie's friends tell TMZ yesterday's batting practice was a huge wake-up call ... for Charlie to hit the gym.

As we previously reported, Charlie hit up UCLA for some batting practice with a few major league buddies ... before giving an awesome anti-drug pep talk to the college team -- and the guy wasn't half bad. In fact, he almost hit a home run.

But "almost" ain't good enough for Charlie -- sources close to the actor tell us, he was distraught over his sub-par swinging skills ... so he made a beeline for the weight room and went back again today.

Who'da thunk Charlie would need help playing the field?

Sheen: No On Crack, Yes On Chocolate Milk

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Charlie Sheen got a standing ovation Thursday after delivering a stirring, anti-drug speech to the UCLA baseball team -- "Stay off the crack. Drink a chocolate milk."

Charlie Sheen Talks Drugs To UCLA Baseball Team

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Charlie Sheen almost hit a home run today, and no porn stars were involved -- and, he also talked to UCLA baseball players about drugs.

Charlie -- a baseball fanatic -- went to UCLA for batting practice with some Major League Baseball heavy hitters -- (from left) Coco Crisp, Eric Davis, Brandon Watson and Milton Bradley.

After batting practice, UCLA's head coach John Savage asked Charlie to talk to his team about drug use. Charlie obliged and got a standing ovation from the team.

As for his batting skills, Brandon says Charlie -- who showed up with his own bat -- almost hit a homer.

Finally ... some wood that won't get him in trouble!

Alex Rodriguez -- Accused in NYC Picking Spree

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Alex Rodriguez took Cameron Diaz on a shopping spree and picked out more than a new scarf -- the NY Yankees 3B also scooped up some nose gold. Allegedly. Maybe. CONTROVERSY!

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